Not really? At least not in, like, reality. I mean, I love my family. I can't imagine ever turning away from them?
( rubbing a hand through his hair. )
But there had to be something? Something must have happened in those memories. It seemed like I was living totally independent of them.
( very slightly tilting his head as he pulls the right side of his lip back, deeply considering how to say his next thought. whatever clear and concise thing he was planning to say never comes out because he's rambling as soon as he opens his mouth. )
I don't know. I don't know. It's just frustrating because I only have bits and pieces. Maybe something big happened and I left to protect them! Or maybe I just screwed up that badly? I know I screwed up really hard before so I dunno, maybe they tossed the alternative me out for it? I wouldn't blame them! I'd get it, really, I would. It'd hurt, it'd hurt a lot, but no one wants to keep around some kid that's supposedly unstable.
( then he's dragging his hands down the sides of his face. what the fuck is he saying. )
Or maybe I just straight up ran away because I decided they'd be better off without me? That seems like some dumb idea I'd have when I was younger. I just don't know! It's so irritating! I want to know what the hell happened.
[Shouto's quiet as Yukine seems to have his freak out. It's not like Shouto ever knows what to say during these situations. Oh... but Yukine came to him for this, he should make an effort- but if he makes an effort and it gets way worse then that's his fault too...
People are so difficult. So his response is slow and measured. He's really not the right person for this, but he can try.]
The you of right now wouldn't do that, right? It's hard. Getting these visions without any context at all. But we're different people from the people in our memories.
[Is he even getting across what he means? He might not be. Knowing himself he definitely isn't.]
Um. Your parents, the ones that are here and real? They love you. No matter what.
( softly a he's still rubbing his face. as if that's going to really do anything. he doesn't disagree with shouto, but at the same time he just feels unsure.
unsure of everything. )
I guess. You're probably right.
( moving to sit on shouto's bed. )
Do you really think so? That we're different people?
[Shouto takes the moment to settle in his desk chair and wheel himself closer to Yukine.]
We might be getting their memories or visions of them... Whatever they are, but we're different, right? You'd never leave your family, and I can't make a giant wall of ice from my right side.
I can't imagine anyone does, but I'm just so sick of not knowing.
( it's frustrating. so much is happening that he doesn't have any control over and he feels so alone about it. kind of like big ol' fucking joke, which he wouldn't put past retrospec to pull. )
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no subject
( rubbing a hand through his hair. )
But there had to be something? Something must have happened in those memories. It seemed like I was living totally independent of them.
( very slightly tilting his head as he pulls the right side of his lip back, deeply considering how to say his next thought. whatever clear and concise thing he was planning to say never comes out because he's rambling as soon as he opens his mouth. )
I don't know. I don't know. It's just frustrating because I only have bits and pieces. Maybe something big happened and I left to protect them! Or maybe I just screwed up that badly? I know I screwed up really hard before so I dunno, maybe they tossed the alternative me out for it? I wouldn't blame them! I'd get it, really, I would. It'd hurt, it'd hurt a lot, but no one wants to keep around some kid that's supposedly unstable.
( then he's dragging his hands down the sides of his face. what the fuck is he saying. )
Or maybe I just straight up ran away because I decided they'd be better off without me? That seems like some dumb idea I'd have when I was younger. I just don't know! It's so irritating! I want to know what the hell happened.
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People are so difficult. So his response is slow and measured. He's really not the right person for this, but he can try.]
The you of right now wouldn't do that, right? It's hard. Getting these visions without any context at all. But we're different people from the people in our memories.
[Is he even getting across what he means? He might not be. Knowing himself he definitely isn't.]
Um. Your parents, the ones that are here and real? They love you. No matter what.
no subject
( softly a he's still rubbing his face. as if that's going to really do anything. he doesn't disagree with shouto, but at the same time he just feels unsure.
unsure of everything. )
I guess. You're probably right.
( moving to sit on shouto's bed. )
Do you really think so? That we're different people?
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We might be getting their memories or visions of them... Whatever they are, but we're different, right? You'd never leave your family, and I can't make a giant wall of ice from my right side.
It's hard to think we're the same.
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( a huff. )
There's got to be a greater meaning to them, right?
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I don't know what it means that we're getting them.
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( it's frustrating. so much is happening that he doesn't have any control over and he feels so alone about it. kind of like big ol' fucking joke, which he wouldn't put past retrospec to pull. )
You know?
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I don't think there are any books for this.
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( then he's pulling shouto's chair closer, close enough to him to lean his shoulder against him. )
I dunno I just wanted to spend the night with someone who Got It?
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[Shouto doesn't move, he just lets Yukine stay there for as long as he'd like.]
We're at least in the same boat.
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( there's no plan of that for a while, so shouto is going to have to accept being someone's pillow. )
You can always talk to me at least. Memories, all this weird shit, whatever.
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That goes both ways. You know that, right?
I don't know... if I'm good at comforting, or if I'm really helping.
But I am here.
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( simply. )
You help plenty. Just by, you know, being there? You're a good listener and—
( a light lift of his shoulders. )
I just feel better when you're around.
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... Then let me know when you need me.
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( a laugh. )
I'll be counting on you and your healing presence!
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( joking but he relaxes a little further against shouto.
this is nice. )